Robert Pattinson Makes Vanity Fair Swoon - RIP Patty

Vanity Fair likes to think of itself as a highbrow culture magazine with their fancy Annie Leibovitz covers, but if there's one thing no publication can afford to ignore it's Twilight. So for their December issue, they went Tiger Beat meets J.Crew catalogue with a stunning 12-page piece on Robert Pattinson (ahhhhhhhh!).

The photos are amazing. Look, Rob Pattz reads books! He can really wear a sweater! He eats his lobster like this! He gets so overwhelmed! He'll hang out in bed with you all day! And, of course, he writes epic ballads at his grand piano on the beach! Swoon.

As for the actual words written about our dear sparkle vampire, it's mostly about what an overwhelmed, self-conscious wreck Rob is right now. "I'm trying not to drown," he says.



And then there's writer Evgenia Peretz's description of a bumbling teen idol: "He is often apologizing—for being boring, for the 'douchey' terrace that's attached to his hotel room, for telling you a story you might have read somewhere else already...he'll dismiss his work in any way he can."

But most Pattz fans are well aware of Rob's self-deprecating nature and that's when it's time to play up the maybe, maybe-not relationship with Kristen Stewart.

First up is the always reliable Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke who loves to play up Robsten speculation. "What Rob and Kristen had is a multitude of feelings for each other," she says. "Complex feelings for each other. It was what we needed. Complex, intense fascination."

Things just get more tabloidy from there as Peretz gives into the Robsten hype. "It's very likely that their off-screen relationship mirrored their on-screen one: an intense attraction that couldn't be realized. During the shoot, Stewart was with her long-term boyfriend, actor Michael Angarano."

Despite the whole tragic star-crossed lovers narrative, this is thrown in for good measure: "For the record, Pattinson insists that he and Stewart are really just 'good friends' and that he deeply admires her."

Plus, according to the Pattz, the logic doesn't add up. "It doesn't make any difference what you say [to the tabloids]," he says. "I've literally been across the country [from Kristen], and it’s like 'Oh, they were on secret dates!' It's like 'Where? I can't get out of my hotel room!'"

But then it's right back to Rob and Kristen's secret relationship. "She and Pattinson have mastered the not-touching thing," the writer says of their Comic-Con interaction. "She even throws the crowd a few curveballs by over-flirting with muscle-bound Taylor Lautner."

It's a nice effort on Vanity Fair's part to add fuel to the Robsten fire, but everything from the Hardwicke quote to the off-screen Twilight tension to the Comic-Con stuff has been covered. We all have the Internet, just stick to the pretty pictures and the nice little things Rob tell you like his one wish:

"All that he really wants is a home, so he can get a dog, since the West Highland white terrier he had since the age of five and 'who was like my sister' died last Christmas."

Awwww. Looks like we can add sensitive to his list of attributes.

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