Lainey talks about Rob again

On the terrace - Laura's POV

There are so many ways I could describe just how fantastic our trip to Cannes has been, but for me, the following scenario can pretty much sum it up.

Imagine, if you will, Lainey, our friend Mio and myself sitting on the terrace at the Hotel Du Cap. It's three o'clock in the morning and after a fabulous dinner and some drinks, my eyes are shutting periodically and I'm calculating just how long it would take a taxi to bring us back to our apartment in Cannes. But just as I'm debating the best way to bring up the subject of leaving, I hear Lainey whispering my name furiously. When I look up she mouths "Laura, it's Rob."

Yes. That's right. Robert Pattinson.

I look up to see him walking in, in his fitted tux, no tie, a couple of buttons on his shirt undone, looking absolutely delicious. He's walking like he's on a runway, a far cry from his usual "please don't look at me" gait with slumped shoulders and a ducked head. Methinks that every once in a while, Mr. Pattinson enjoys kicking the wardrobe up a notch - and I'm not complaining.

I should probably explain that I'm a fan. A very enthusiastic RPattz fan. While Lainey swears that outwardly I remained cool, I felt my heart rate triple at that moment. And suddenly I was wide awake. He took a seat at a table opposite us, giving me a close and unrestricted view of him and, to quote Lainey, sending my loins into quiveration mode.

So did I shamelessly ogle him for the next two hours? You bet your sweet ass I did!

The boy is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. He chain smokes like crazy, and while I generally find that a disgusting habit, he looks ridiculously sexy doing it. In fact, he looked picture perfect every single time I glanced over at him. He was chatting animatedly with his manager and his agent, laughing and smiling, looking like a guy who was loving his life.

At one point I was jolted out of my lust-induced haze by Lainey who asked me if I was going to, and I quote, "man up and bring it?" I could only reply to her smug little challenge with a death glare because honestly, short of flashing him my boob, what was I supposed to do? The Du Cap is definitely not the place to approach your favourite star like a raging fanatic. And I'm guessing they wouldn't take too kindly to a flasher either.

Eventually, Emile Hirsch walked in with his girlfriend and another good looking girl. They greeted Rob and he - get this - looked shy and stared down alternately at the table or at his management team. It was pretty cute actually. What I didn't find cute was the way Emile greeted Rob - it was a condescending "heyyyyy buddyyyyyyy" and then he proceeded to poach one of Rob's smokes. It was interesting to observe the difference between these two young actors. Emile walked in muttering something about kicking someone's ass and then loudly gave his pointed opinions on various topics. Rob conversed with him but wasn't nearly as biting or cocky. I'm not saying he doesn't have an edge - I overheard him make some sarcastic remarks and he does love dropping the F-bomb (with that British accent - HOT!) , but overall, he comes across as a much nicer guy.

Soon it was 5 a.m. Emile's tirades were grating on Lainey's nerves so we decided it was time to go. Well....I didn't really participate in that discussion because if it was up to me, I'd stay till the bitter Emile-opinionated end. So it was with great reluctance that I agreed to get up and go, leaving my perfect view behind.

But oh, the memories.

Lainey's husbands take on Rob.

Here’s a little more Rob for the Twi-hards and horny cougars (is that rude?). Robert Pattinson at the amfAR auction with Sharon Stone and later leaving the hotel to attend a premiere.

What can I say about Rob?

Overall, a good looking guy. Like Guillaume, has the whole chisel thing going on with the character nose. Hair like my wife wants me to have except I can’t help but flatten it after attempting something like this for 5 seconds.

BUT…

There’s the legs. Similar to my take on Zac “BlenderLegs” Efron, he’s got something odd going on with the way he walks and stands. Am attaching a photo (last in the set) of him from the photo call by the water the other day. Looking pretty good above the waist, not so good below the waist. Legs mangled.

Now…I can relate. I was pretty skinny in my early 20’s and never liked how my legs looked in pants. I’ve filled out a bit now so I don’t pay much attention, but here’s a tip for Rob until he lets his 30’s bring on the mass. Don’t put sh-t in your pockets during a photo shoot if your legs account for 1/8th of your bodyweight at the moment. It’ll never look good.

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